Overprotection: Child Chews On A Condom At McDonald's

McDonald's is launching an investigation after a little girl went up to her father chewing a used condom after playing in a McDonald's play place. The father was absolutely shocked and immediately washed her mouth out with soap. He said, "I was absolutely disgusted. Other people grabbed their kids and just about jumped the fence." That's a little dramatic. Nobody needs to jump the fence after seeing a magnum. It's a condom; not a resurrection of Michael Jackson. The father then told a junior manager about the incident and was told that it was the second condom found that day. I don't know who is deciding to have sex at a McDonald's. I can't see anyone finding that place romantic unless they're Jessica Simpson or Mariah Carey's fat ass. Either way, now I know why the floors were so sticky when I used to play there.

Photo: Inquisitr

Battle of Sucker Hill: Jonah Hill and Matt Morrison in a Feud

Jonah Hill had an interview on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and declared a feud with Matthew Morrison after telling the story about Morrison laughing at Hill at a party. Hill expressed that he is ready to go down with Morrison and joked, "I'd like to see him sing his way out of this one." More recently, Morrison had an interview on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and accepted Hill's offer saying, "I can sing my way out it, I can dance my way out of it... Be very afraid. No one messes with anyone from musical theater. This just got real." Obviously Morrison hasn't been watching his own show Glee because that show taught me that everyone  messes with everyone in musical theater. However, Hill is pretty stupid, too. How am I supposed to take him seriously after seeing him in a movie where his knee was another girl's tampon? No, thank you.

Photo: Us Magazine

Peek-A-Boob: Nancy Grace Has A Nip Slip On DWTS

On the latest episode of Dancing With the Stars, Nancy Grace was finished doing her number to what I imagine would be the liberty bell or police siren and then a part of her nipple came out just before the judges critiqued her performance. Talk about some cruel and unusual punishment for the audience. Tom Bergeron joked that it would be okay for the European version of Dancing With the Stars and judge Bruno Tolioni made a pun saying the performance was very top heavy. Obviously, everyone was on fire with jokes that night and now I know who to invite when I finally want to get ratings on my stupid radio show. Listen to The C Word KSFS.sfsu.edu every Wednesday at 9am.

Photo: Rickey

Booby Trap: Farmer Mad At Rihanna For Going Topless

Rihanna was in Ireland shooting her music video for the song "We Found Love" and part of the production was her being topless. They asked a farmer if they could use his property to shoot part of the video, but when he saw that she was going topless, he asked everyone to stop the production. He said, "I felt it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did." I don't know what this guy's problem is. I'm not sexually attracted to women, but I would still appreciate a pair of free tits on my property so long as they don't look like flesh-colored bananas. I think it's obvious that this fool didn't know who Rihanna was, but he still wished her good luck and shook her hand. He also said, "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God." Yes, that's just what everyone needs: a greater God. I think there are more Catholic priests who need a greater God more than Rihanna.

Photo: E! Online

Annoying Ass: Kim Kardashian Voted Most Annoying Celebrity

Kim Kardashian has been voted the most annoying celebrity of 2011 according to a poll done by Parade and Yahoo! OMG! I believe that Kim Kardashian is annoying, but I wouldn't believe she was the most annoying if Yahoo! said it. Everyone knows Google knows everything. If you don't know the answer to a question, nobody says Yahoo! it.

Apparently, Parade does an annual pop culture poll and this year Kardashian won most annoying with 29% of the votes. In second place came Charlie Sheen with 27%, Snooki in third with 21%, and the last three were Lindsay Lohan, Donald Trump, and Brad Womack. I'm pretty sure Brad Womack was also recognized in the poll most unknown celebrity. I couldn't even find him on Google.

Photo: The Hurt Locker

Cat Fight: Bristol Calls Her Heckler A Homosexual

Bristol Palin was at the Saddle Ranch Chop House in LA last night when a Sarah Palin came up to her and started screaming at her. She had just gotten off the mechanical bull and the heckler asks her is she rode Levi Johnston that way. The topic of Sarah Palin comes up and the heckler calls her "evil." Bristol asks, "Is it because you're a homosexual? Is that why you hate her?" The heckler affirmed that he was a homosexual and asked, "why'd you ask that I'm a homosexual?" Bristol answered, "Because I know you are."

Obviously, that heckler doesn't know what he's talking about. I don't think Sarah Palin is a whore at all. If she was she would be a lot more fun. Bristol claims that she is not homophobic, but was only defending her mother. If she was really defending her mother, maybe she would have saved sex for marriage like she asked her to.

Photo: Business Insider

No Fun N' Games: The CW To Make A Show About Musical Chairs

I've just heard news from the Huffington post that the CW will be making a show about people going through obstacle courses to collect chairs to the sound of music. The show is cleverly titled Extreme Musical Chairs. I don't know why they decided with musical chairs. Was duck, duck, goose taken already? I've always hated musical chairs. I never won, which usually turned the game into a WWE wrestling match. What they need to do is gather the cast of Jersey Shore, put them all on a spaceship, and get them the fuck off of this Earth. If you tell them the show is called Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus, they'll think they're all being sent to a planet where only the opposite sex will be there. They'd also be able to give STDs to people they haven't given them to already.

Photo: Screen Junkies

Beyon-Say No More: Beyonce Says She's Never Been Happier

I was watching E! News the other day, because I couldn't find the remote control and was too lazy to get up to change the channel, and I saw an interview with Beyonce. I knew it was going to be pretty annoying because she was going to talk about how happy she is to be pregnant. If I was pregnant, I'd just throw in the bib and look for the nearest abortion clinic, but Beyonce says, "I'm probably the happiest I've ever been." It doesn't sound like there's a baby in there. Sounds more like a morphine IV. She went on to say, "It is the most incredible gift anyone can have and I'm so happy I'm a woman. Men, I feel bad, they don't get to experience this. It's incredible." I think I speak for all men when I say that we're fine with the way things are going. I hope she realizes that being pregnant is not going to be like making a music video. It's going to be like taking a huge dump out of your vagina. A huge, crying dump. If I was a girl, the last thing I'd want is a baby because once you have even one, your vagina never stays the same. I don't want that to happen to my vagina. It's my vagina!

Photo: Radio Junkee

Sick and Tyra'd: Tyra Banks Wants Her Book To Be A Movie

In an interview with the Associated Press, Tyra Banks talked about her annoying life and how she met with a producer about making her new book, Modelland, into a movie. That is such a silly title. It sounds more like an amusement park. Hopefully that is the name of an amusement park in the story so models can have a place to throw up outside of the toilet. The book is about an awkward teenager who get the chance to enroll in one of the biggest modeling academies. I've seen something similar to this called America's Next Top Model. Banks also says that the book mirrors a lot of events that happened in her life. "It's inspired by my life and experiences in fashion and modeling," she said. "My successes as well as a lot of pain I had to go through." If they turn her book into a movie, they should make it a cartoon and have Betty Boop be the main character. She's the only one with the same size forehead as Tyra. 

Flash Dance: Man Exposes Himself While Lady Has A Seizure

A woman in Edison, New Jersey was having a seizure and was approached by a man who she thought would help her out. Instead, he decided to expose himself and walk away. The man was described as an African-American around 65-years-old, with gray hair, and no teeth. Sounds to me like either he's homeless or grew up in Kentucky. She was able to call police for help after the man walked away and reported him at the same time. She reported that she had seen him in the area so it would probably be a good idea if she stopped having seizures near that place again.

Photo: Brad Fitzpatrick

Dinner For 50: Man Has 50 Children With 4 Women

Luiz Costa de Oliveira is a retired farmer who has 50 kids with only 4 women. That is one horny bastard. He married his first wife and had 17 kids with her. She died and found another women who he had another 17 kids with. That woman asked her sister to help raise the kids and Luiz got into a relationship with her, too. The sister gave him another 15 children. As if that wasn't enough, Luiz managed to get their mother and share a child with her, as well. This sounds like a telenovela with nothing but happy endings. I can't even see myself having one kid and this guy has 50. They all live in a small town and I hope that they all move to different parts of the world. I think the last thing that any of them need is to accidentally run into each other and not know that they are actually blood-related.

Photo: Guanabee

But, I Incest: Lindsay Lohan Makes Out With Her Mom

Dina and Lindsay Lohan were celebrating mother Lohan's 49th birthday at the Beauty and Essex Restaurant in NYC. Her brother can be seen in the picture getting front row seats of the kissing scene. Lindsay nor Dina responded to the situation, but Lindsay's rep is saying he's not commenting on the assumptions and they might have just been at a compromising angle. According to E! News, outside cameras were not allowed so it's hard to say who took the picture. However, one source is saying the two were partying hard. This still doesn't explain why she's making out with her mother. Was she hypnotized? Or roofied? Either way I feel like she'll kiss anything. Have you guys seen her new boyfriend? I think he works at 7-11...

Photo: E! Online

Short Fuse: Man Threatens Store With A Firework

A 61-year-old man walked into a Bed, Bath, and Beyond in Boynton Beach, FL with a firecracker in his waistband and threatened he was going to blow up the store. His name is Jesse James Lyon so I'm guessing he things he'd make a great thief because of the name his parents gave him. Maybe he'll have more luck cheating on his wife... Lyon walked into the store, went up to the cashier, and demanded money. Another cashier saw the firecracker when Lyon lifted up his shirt and asked him to get out. A customer followed Lyon out of the store, saw the truck he drove off in, and reported it to police. Police found him in a different outfit, but found the firecracker in the back of his truck. I don't know how this guy thought it was a good idea to rob a Bed, Bath, and Beyond with a firework. That's like trying to steal candy from a baby with a stuffed animal.

Photo: Titusville

Caught, Glitter-Handed: Four Transvestites Caught Shoplifting Tights and Bras

Four men are accused of stealing various items at a Jo-Ann's Fabric store in Orlando, Florida. They entered the store as women, began putting glitter tights, bra pads, feathers, and lace gloves into bags, and fled the scene as soon as they were confronted by a clerk. Police managed to catch up with the group and arrested three of them. I'm guessing the fourth one gives a mind-blowing handjob in a convincing Beyonce leotard. I never knew that Jo-Ann's Fabrics was so popular among drag queens, but now I know where to buy my weekend outfits from now on. I don't know why they had to buy feathers unless they're getting ready for a remake of Burlesque.

Photo: MSNBC

Slap The Ugly Off: Thai Women Slaps Women As A Beauty Secret

Khemmikka Na Songkhla of Bangkok is slapping women from all over Thailand to make them beautiful. Women turn to her when they want to grow their breasts or butts and don't want surgery to be an option. Songkhla uses a mixture of slapping, pinching, and kneading fat to make certain areas more plump. She almost faced a closing down of her business after a woman claimed it gave her cancer. However, a government approved study concluded that it not only doesn't cause cancer, but the technique also does work in sizing up women's breasts or butts. This is like Chris Brown's dream job. He can abuse women and make them more beautiful at the same time. 


Video: D-Listed

Burst Your Bubble Gum: Christina Milian Finds Gum In Her Salad

Christina Milian is looking for a lawyer after finding a piece of chewed bubble gum in her salad while eating out at a Mexicali in Studio City, CA. She was taking a bite out of her kobe salad when she felt something chewy in her mouth and spit it out. What she found was a piece of ABC gum, causing her to run to the bathroom and throw up. She filed a complaint with the Health Department and tweeted “Gum in my salad at Mexicali, Gross! Never go there!” It's good to know she still talks like a 4-year-old. The owner of the restaurant, Allen Ravert, says they've been there for over 17 years and have always been rated with an A from the health department. He adds that he doesn't know whether the gum was in the salad or not because he did not see it.

I think Milian needs to calm down. There could be worse things in your salad. Like E. coli or a grenade. The fact of the matter is, I'm pretty sure Milian is going to be fine. If she was really concerned about her health, maybe she should explore her options outside of a Mexican restaurant.

Photo: Exposay

Sore Voice Loser: John Mayer Diagnosed With Serious Throat Condition

John Mayer was diagnosed with granuloma, which I'm guessing is doctor talk for mono. This forced him to cancel some of his tour dates and postpone the release of his next album. I don't know about you guys, but this brings music to my ears. He says, “I’ve got the best doctors in the country looking after me and I will be singing and touring again as soon as I get the all-clear. Until then I’ll be spending time writing and composing more music and kicking an empty soup can around the West Village.” He should do us all a favor and kick himself in the mouth until he can't talk anymore. John Mayer says some of the stupidest shit. I can't stand him and I can't stand the things that come out of his mouth. To be honest, he acts like some of the things I put in my mouth. I'll let you guys use your imaginations.

Photo: Free Extras

Kate Plus Hate: Kate Gosselin Lashes Out At Paparazzi

Kate Gosselin hates the paparazzi just like everyone else in Hollywood, unless you're Paris Hilton or Heidi Montag. She says although she loves all of the perks that come with having a reality TV show, the only thing she hates are the paparazzi. “I just screamed at [the paparazzi] today,” says Kate. “And I said go away leave me alone. Go and photograph somebody else. Every day they leave me alone it’s a great day. If I have a job and it doesn’t go with paparazzi, great.” If she wants to get away from the paparazzi, here's a tip: stop being famous. It's very easy. If you need a walkthrough, I'm sure Spencer Pratt or Vanilla Ice would be happy to help.

However, it's actually not the kind of help she's looking for because she wants to continue working in the entertainment industry. She says she'll take anything right about now, but hopefully she's being careful about what she wishes for. The last time I told someone I'd do anything, I ended up dressing like Spider-Man and got peed on by several 1st graders.

Some people are giving her a lot of crap for wanting to limit herself to only TV roles when the welfare of her kids are at hand, but I say go for it. I'm not exactly Kate's number one fan, but I am happy that she's not trying to get money from suing her husband. The last thing a mother needs to do is make money that isn't her own. See: Sarah Palin.

Photo: Huffington Post

Rest In Fleas: Michaele Salahi's Dies

Remember that stupid housewife from D.C. that crashed the white house? The same one who was also reported missing after her neglected husband didn't know where she was? The same ho who was actually banging some rock star that was a little bit before my time? Well, her dog died. Apparently this dog had a heart attack several weeks ago and has been on medication since. Just after Tareq had given the dog it's medicine, it began to cry in pain and it died. So I guess dogs don't like Tums.

Tareq is outraged and is blaming his estranged ex-wife because since she left, the dog has not been able to leave its bed. Tareq claims the dog became depressed due to the neglect, but if I know Tareq, which I don't, it sounds like the dog is going through the same thing as him.

Photo: DawnALI

Give It A Try-Mester; Beyonce Says Being Pregnant Is Fun.

Beynoce Knowles is just having the time of her life with this new baby inside her oven. She revealed to CNN UK that she is 'having so much fun, it has been the most fun time now that it has been announced," and adds that "It was really difficult to conceal. But now ... I can be proud and excited about it, I'm having so much fun shopping -- it's great!" Not only that, but she's been wearing all these fancy outfits that pregnant woman don't usually wear. Among them are a very low cut black sequin top, leather shorts, and bikinis.

This is so stupid. Being pregnant is not supposed to be fun. I haven't even been pregnant, but I've already had a couple of bad experiences. The first time I thought I had a miscarriage when blue caca came out of me after masturbating to the smurfs movie. It turns out I just had a little too much Alize the night before. The second time, I was worried that I could be pregnant after I found out about that pregnant man. I'm happy to say I haven't had a scare since thanks to Yaz, but I have still had these uncontrollable cravings for Sour Patch kids and Hot Pockets.

Also, it must suck to be Solange Knowles, which is the sister that nobody talks about. She already has a 5-year-old kid and it took Beyonce getting pregnant for me to find out about him. Maybe it's just me.

Photo: Pop 2 It

Not The Time Or Lace: Britney Spears Exposes Her Panties

Britney Spears was in London this week leaving the Soho hotel in London when a paparazzo managed to capture a shot of her pink lace panties. First of all, I love the word panties. I even call my own boxer-brief panties. Where's my panties?!

Anywho, I don't know why this is news. We've seen Britney's panties before. We've even seen her little nana, which I've refused to Google on several occasions. However, it's been a slow news day and I'm slightly hungover from all of the mouthwash I tried to blackout from last night so cut me some slack.

Some web sites are saying she posed for the pictures, while others say she is a victim of pesky paparazzi. I don't think she posed for the pictures. I don't think she has any real reason, too. I think after you shave your head all there is left to do join the army, right Demi Moore?

Photo: TMZ

Bandi-Toe: Toe-Sucking Bandit Strikes Again!

Police in Little Rock, Arkansas have received two separate complaints from two women saying a man harassed them about sucking their toes. 83-year-old Ruth Harris was sitting down in front of her apartment when a man came up to her and said he liked her feet. He took off one of her shoes and started sucking on her toes. After that, he asked Harris if he could kiss her, but she said, "No, you're crazy." So it's okay for him to suck her toes, but not okay to kiss her on the lips. I usually say no to kissing after a guy sucks on my feet, but that's because I have athlete's foot.

Even more recently, another woman was approached by a man who continued to stare at her and say, "I love your toes. They are long and beautiful." After that he admitted to having a foot fetish and told her, "your toes are long and succulent and I want to suck them." Apparently, this lady has long toes so it sounds to me like she might be an ostrich. The woman described the man as wearing a t-shirt, blue jeans, flip flops, and having "messed up toes."

Police are linking these two cases together with a similar criminal in the 90s who was named the Toe Suck Fairy. I don't think they should call him that because it makes it sound like women are putting their lost toes under their pillows for him. There are more appropriate names like Toe Vaccuum or Footloose. Anyway, the Toe Suck Fairy went to jail for pretending to be a podiatrist in a clothing store and a massage therapist in a Wal-Mart. 

There's nothing wrong with having a foot fetish. However, there is something wrong with these victims. Since when has there ever been a podiatrist in a clothing store? Or a massage therapist in a Wal-Mart? The minute someone asked me if they wanted to rub my feet at Ross, I'm going to be a furious when I find out that he's the one who had the happy ending.

Ugliest Tattoos

Playing Dead: Starving Dogs Eat Their Master

Seven starving dogs in Indonesia are being accused of eating their own master after he came home from a vacation last week. Local police found his skull in the kitchen, but the rest of his body was in front of the house. Apparently, the dogs had not been fed for two weeks so authorities suspect that they decided to eat their owner. Police also found bones from two other dogs that they believe were eaten by the hungry pooches. Indonesians are famous for eating dogs so karma really is a female dog. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

Photo: I Love Dogs

The Jumping Bean: Alec Baldwin Has An Argument At Starbucks

Alec Baldwin took a trip to an LA Starbucks the other day and had a bit of an altercation there. He posted on his twitter that, "Starbucks on 93 and B'way. Uptight Queen barrista named JAY has an attitude problem." It's no big secret that the barista in question is a flaming homosexual. I have quite a few friends who work or have worked for Starbucks and all of them are interested in men. Maybe that's because I live in San Francisco or maybe it's because I don't have any straight male friends since I keep sexually assaulting all of them. A reporter from the New York Post went to the Starbucks and interviewed another employee who was present during the situation. Giovan of Starbucks says "Jay" didn't do anything wrong and adds that Baldwin, " was very rude and disrespectful and arrogant. He’s probably the rudest guy I’ve ever met.” Obviously, this guy doesn't know who Star Jones is...

Photo: Soda Head

Wild Support: Salma Hayek's Husband Talks About Child Support

Before he married Salma Hayek in 2009, Francois-Henri Pinault had a child with some lady in 2006. The kid is now 4 years old and the mother claims that he hasn't been making his son apart of his life and hasn't been paying child support. Pinault claims that the kid has been very involved with him and even his family, including his sister Valentina and even Hayek. However, the mother demands $46,000 in child support. This bitch needs to calm down. My mom doesn't even make that in a year and I turned out completely fine. A bit famished at times, but fine, nonetheless. I don't know why she's asking for such a large amount unless she gave birth to an identical twin who came in the form of a mortgage. I want to know what the hell she is doing to support her own son. I hate it when women depend on their ex-husbands for money. Make your own damn money! If my mom depended on my dad for money, I'd probably be missing all my front teeth and dancing for pennies on the 101 freeway exit.

Photo: People

Lo Calorie Diet: Ali Lohan Has A Dramatic Transformation

Apparently, there's been a lot of buzz about Linsdsay Lohan's sister, Ali Lohan, being underweight. Ginger Lohan took to Twitter to say, "I love how haters pick on my sister yet every runway model is just as thin! My sister is gorgeous and I'm so proud of her and her career!!!!" Thank god she put four exclamation points because I don't think she would have driven her point across with only one. Also on Ali's side is her publicist because what kind of publicist is going to tell the media that one of their clients has an eating disorder? Ali's publicist, Steve Honig says, "Aliana has never had any plastic surgery in her life, nor has she ever considered it." Even her modeling agency got in on the argument claiming, "As a young girl who is growing up, it's natural for her facial features to change slightly, and we see this with many of the younger models we represent." The representative for the agency, Alexis Borges, adds, "We take pastoral care of our models very seriously and encourage the models to maintain a healthy lifestyle and body shape." I don't know what pastoral care is, but I'm assuming it's preventing Ali from participating in happy hour and ordering five crunch wrap supremes from Taco Bell afterward. I don't know whether Ali had surgery or just isn't eating, but a nutritionist told Radaronline.com that she is probably suffering from anorexia. Dr. Majid Ali feels “She is very underweight. By looking at her cheekbones you can tell that she has muscle wasting going on ... She may binge and purge plus calorie restrict.” I'm definitely going to take the doctor's word over Lindsay's, especially since her daily calorie intake is around negative 2 pounds.

Photo: Pop on the Pop

No Thank Jew: People Say No To Mel Gibson Making Maccabee Movie

Mel Gibson is getting a lot of negative opinions about him making a movie about Judah Maccabee, a prominent Jewish icon in history. Rabbi Marvin Hier is offended that someone who is notorious for accused anti-semitism is making a film about Maccabee and says, "Mel Gibson is no Maccabee." Thank you, Captian Obvious. Also, the Anti-Defamation League is asking Warner Bros to take Gibson out of the project and believe, "As a hero of the Jewish people and a universal hero in the struggle for religious liberty, Judah Maccabee deserves better.” Before I go on, I don't know who the Anti-Defamation League is, but they sound like a pile of buzzkills. Just because you put 'league' at the end of your name, doesn't make it cool. It's for athletes and superheroes like Superman. In spite of the quote from a nerdy bunch, I have to agree with them and the rabbi. I think it's very oxymoronic that Mel Gibson is making a movie about Jews. That's like Amy Winehouse writing a song about rehab. Uh oh...

Photo: Sofa King Drunk

She Fangs! She Fangs!: Woman Attacks Disabled Man Like A Vampire

A self-proclaimed vampire is arrested after attacking a man in a wheelchair outside of a Hooters in Florida. The man in the wheelchair, Milton Ellis, was asleep on the floor outside of a Hooters porch when vampire lady, Josephine Smith, got on top of him and started biting his neck and face then ran away. Ellis managed to get back on his wheelchair and call police from a nearby Shell gas station. Ellis said Smith was fully clothed when he last saw her, but police found her half-naked on the Hooters porch covered in Ellis' blood. This is another reason why I hate Twilight. Ever since that stupid movie came out, everything has been going downhill from there. First they started making Twilight condoms, then people decided they want to launch a vampire cruise next summer, and now this. This never would've happened if this guy had just laid off of the buffalo wings and ordered garlic bread instead.

Photo: All Weird News

Hitch Hiker's Dumb: Attempted Carjacker Gets A Ride To The Police Station

A man in Kansas City, Missouri was arrested for trying to carjack a woman by jumping on the hood of her car. Apparently, Dionette Price, the attempted carjacker, had a loaded gun on him and threatened the woman, Rayna Garret, that he would "blow her head off" if she didn't continue driving. Garret came up with the bright idea of driving to the police station. Talk about thinking outside the box. When she arrived to the station, she ran into a garage where Price jumped off of the car and abandoned the scene. Garret told police and officers found him at a bus stop. I'm assuming he was looking for another ride. I think Price's first mistake is that he decided to jump on the hood of the car. I'm not a convicted felon or anything, but if I really wanted to borrow someone's car, I'd take my mom's keys without asking. His second mistake is obviously that he was caught at a bus stop. I don't know if he was trying to call it a night or if he was trying to remake the movie Speed starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves.

Photo: Daily Dumbass

Photo: 

You Can't Handle The Tooth!: Evan Rachel Wood Loses A Tooth While Partying

Evan Rachel Wood of True Blood was partying in Paris this week and apparently she lost a tooth. She was attending a nightclub and while in the middle of the dance floor she was elbowed in the face by a nearby patron. How the hell is she going to bite anyone in the neck now? No one is going to take her seriously with one fang. Luckily, she met with a dentist to replace the missing tooth. Wednesday, the day after she lost her tooth, was her birthday. So all she wants for her 24th are her two front teeth. Maybe she should just do what Tara Reid did and just super glue it back on. Honestly, i shouldn't be making fun of Ms. Wood because I've lost my teeth at a party before. Twice. The first time, they were flushed down a toilet and the second time, I don't have any memory for that incident. Both times, however, it made me do something I thought I'd never do: keep my mouth shut.

Photo: Dose

One Tequila, Sue Tequila: Betheny Frankel Sued For False Advertising

Reneta Bonar is suing Betheny Frankel and Beam Global Spirits for the Skinnygirl Margarita recipe because it makes false statements about its health claims. Bonar is suing Frankel and the company for $5 million and demands a change in its advertising. I don't know what the $5 million is for, but not even I spend that much money on alcohol. Beam Global Spirits say the lawsuit is pointless and believe the Skinnygirl Margarita "meets the highest quality standards." Frankel wrote on her website that the cocktail follows the FDA regulations, which is why it continues to sell. She says, "We would not sell anything I personally don't drink. I'm a natural foods chef and health is a top priority for me and my family." Health is also a top priority for me, which is why I drink so much. I don't understand why this Bonar bitch is so mad. I'd hate to break it to her, but alcohol isn't known for it's health benefits. I'm assuming she's pissed off because she's been knockin' back these Skinnygirls and she's still a big o' fat ass. Newsflash: you're probably a fat ass because you missed the gym from being too hungover.

Picture: Zimbio