Cat Fight: Bristol Calls Her Heckler A Homosexual

Bristol Palin was at the Saddle Ranch Chop House in LA last night when a Sarah Palin came up to her and started screaming at her. She had just gotten off the mechanical bull and the heckler asks her is she rode Levi Johnston that way. The topic of Sarah Palin comes up and the heckler calls her "evil." Bristol asks, "Is it because you're a homosexual? Is that why you hate her?" The heckler affirmed that he was a homosexual and asked, "why'd you ask that I'm a homosexual?" Bristol answered, "Because I know you are."

Obviously, that heckler doesn't know what he's talking about. I don't think Sarah Palin is a whore at all. If she was she would be a lot more fun. Bristol claims that she is not homophobic, but was only defending her mother. If she was really defending her mother, maybe she would have saved sex for marriage like she asked her to.

Photo: Business Insider

Return To Sender: Craig Ferguson Receives A Death Threat

Someone sent Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show on CBS, a death threat letter by putting a white substance in an envelope and sending it to his studio. It turns out that substance wasn't toxic or even dangerous so we can rule out the substance from being anthrax or laundry detergent for Hugh Hefner's crab-infested bath robe. Although the substance wasn't life threatening, there was an attached letter that threatened Ferguson's life. Two people who came into contact with the substance had to be quarantined and police believe the letter came from Europe. If it came from France we can rule out deodorant since nobody in that country uses it.

Another incident happened at the Dancing With The Stars studio last November. Though police never made a connection, a source claims a death threat was made for Bristol Palin while she was on the CBS reality competition. It turned out someone sent talcum powder in an attempt to make it look like anthrax. I wouldn't be surprised if CBS was sending the wrong substances to the wrong departments when they actually meant to send cocaine to Charlie Sheen.

Photo: The SOP

Wine Not?: Bristol Lost Her Virginity In A Tent While Drunk On Wine Coolers

Bristol Palin is about to release her new book titled Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far, where she talks about her annoying life. In it, she mentions her relationship with Levi Johnston and the time she lost her virginity. Apparently, Palin had one too many wine coolers, blacked out, and lost her virginity to Levi in a tent during a camping trip. In the book, Palin writes, "Instead of waking up in his arms, I awakened in a cold tent alone." Talk about drama queen. That was just as bad as hearing spoken word on open mic night. Rule #1: never expect anything, especially if it's from a man. She continues that her and Johnston continued to have sober, deliberate sex and she wanted to get pregnant. I'm not an eskimo, but I'm guessing that means she doesn't want everyone to know that her son, Tripp, wasn't an accident. She also mentions how Levi would come home drunk with hickies on his neck. The breaking point for her was when she found out Johnston impregnated another woman. At this point, I can go on and on about how stupid Bristol is, but I've never had to share a child with someone. In fact, I've gone through almost the same thing she has. I, too, lost my virginity when I was drunk and have hardly any recollection of it at all. The man I lost it to was Black so there's a slight chance he might have been sleeping around even though he wasn't a rapper. I'd like to say that he didn't try to impregnate anyone else, but after hearing about that pregnant man, I don't know what to think anymore.

Photo: Hyper Vocal

Cuss Study: Tripp Finally Gets His Custody Hours

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have finally made a settlement on the custody of their child. Like every other case I hear about, the mother gets primary custody of the child, which I'm sure was a tough decision for the judge, since they both have vaginas. Levi is allowed visitation on Saturdays between 9am to 4pm and on Wednesdays from 12pm to 6pm. I don't know how they came up with those hours. It seems like they just put a bunch of days and hours on a wheel and spin it like it's Wheel of Fortune. The agreement also prohibits any parent from talking badly about the other parent in front of the child, Tripp. Nor can any person talk badly about the other family in front of him. In other words, neither parent nor anybody associated with them cannot put down the other parent in front of Tripp. I have a feeling that part of the agreement is going to be much harder for Levi than Bristol. Thank god for earmuffs.

Photo: Babble Australia

Single Mother (F*****): Bristol Palin Raises Her Kid By Herself

In the June issue of Harper's Bazaar, Bristol Palin talks about her new life with her new baby, Tripp. With a name like that, I'm not too sure he's going to make many friends. The article talks about how much she loves her baby, even though she expected to be in college at age 19. Nothing says love like admitting to regret... But she does admit that her baby is a blessing, as much of a shock as it was for her and her parents. Though Bristol's ex-boyfriend, Levi Johnston, claims Bristol's parents let them share a room together, Bristol says that isn't true. When asked about Johnston, she considers him a stranger and that they share a past that's "just dirty laundry." I think dirty laundry is more along the lines of what Tripp needs to get changed every day. Levi Johnston, however, is more of something that I would consider a dream come true. I would want to ride his mustache like a mechanical bull!

Anywho, Bristol also talks about how she's adjusted to her new life. She is now working as a medical assistant and has become a new ambassador for Candie's Foundation to help fight teen pregnancy. If I was a heterosexual, I think Bristol would be one of the last people I wanted to talk to about safe sex. Same goes for Jamie Lynn Spears. She also talks about how she doesn't have time to go out to social events, like hockey games, or how she doesn't have time for friends. I'll speak for your friends and say they probably don't have time for you.