I was on Twitter today and one of the people that I follow is OMG Facts. It's a website that tells people a bunch of shocking facts like a woman who had sex with 919 men in 12 hours to stupid shit like pyramids used to be white. Either way, I saw a fact that said the average farts about 14 times a day. Now I consider myself someone who farts more than the average person, but I never imagined myself farting 14 times every day. Then again, who's counting? The report also said if you want to cut down on farting eat less diary products and fatty food. This would explain a lot since cereal is the only thing I know how to cook and I spend half my paychecks on McDonald's. Either way, I've been thinking a lot about this and it made me realize how my German roommate, Sabine, must fart more than I do. The bitch eats nothing but apples, carrots, and ice cream. She goes to McDonald's more than I do, buying two ice cream cones per visit, and deep throats them like a champ. At the same time, she's always stealing my roommate's ice cream. The only reason I know this is because she texts me like every other day saying "sorry I ate your ice cream. I'll buy you a new one." She knows that I have sex all the time and one of the best texts I got from her read, "Sry i finished ur ice cream again.hope u are not angr.y u will get a new one of coursd.have good sex!" P.S. I'm not retarded, that is the exactly what the text message looked like. I told Adam, the owner of the ice cream, that she texts me thinking it's mine, but I haven't told her that it isn't mine. This allows me to steal ice cream and still blame it on Sabine. Either way, it made me come to the conclusion that this German bitch must be a real Frank-Farter. Now I've also figured out who's been leaving Hershey Squirts on the tiolet.
Photo:
Milda Vigelyte Facebook
ahaha, dis bitch
ReplyDelete