Sex Education: 2 Second-graders Commit Oral Sex In Class

I was watching the news the other day because, believe it or not, I like to watch something else besides E! and TMZ and I fell upon a really shocking story. Markham Elementary school is involved in an investigation over two sexual incidents that happened between two second graders. Both incidents have happened in the same classroom so someone needs to give this teacher an award already. The first incident happened involved a handful of kids undressing inside the classroom and the second incident involved two students engaging in oral sex. I don't exactly know how the teacher didn't notice several students taking their clothes off unless he was blind or a catholic priest.

Photo: My News

Just Kidman: Nicole Kidman Has a Kid From a Surrogate Mother

I was reading People today and unfortunately ran into the story about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcoming their brand new baby girl, Faith Margaret. The couple named the girl Faith because according to People, that is what they relied on to have the baby. In addition, a friend of the couple says, "they never gave up faith to have a child." This is so stupid. They act like something divine came to their house at midnight and gave them a child. Both Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are 43-years-old so I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Urban has been shooting blanks the whole time or Kidman's eggs are a little too hard-boiled. All they did was find a new way to have a kid besides using their own genitals. I hate it when people say things like "things happen for a reason" or "it happened because we kept faith." That's not faith. That's called not being able to have a child and turning to a surrogate mother to have a child for you.

Photo: Jaunted

Too Hot For Pot: Mark Whalberg Says He's Done With Weed

Mark Wahlberg was at some film festival that I never heard of accepting an award and while giving his speech he mentioned that the award piece looks like a bong. Talk about having withdrawals... After mentioning that he said, "But I don't use those anymore." Of course he doesn't. Who the hell would admit that they smoke weed unless your Snoop Dogg? In an interview with Us Weekly, Wahlberg says he quit smoking because of his kids. He says, "One day, we were driving and you could smell it from somewhere. My daughter asked what the smell was so I told her it was a skunk. Then she said, 'Sometimes Daddy smells like that!' to me and my wife. So I knew I had to quit." That's understandable. I don't think any parent should be letting their kid know that they have someone just as great as Amy Winehouse for a parent. The part I don't understand is that Wahlberg also replaced partygoing on the weekends with churchgoing. I don't know why anyone would do this unless they were married to Angelina Jolie. I want to say that it's okay to have a little party every now and then if you have kids, but I'm not a parent and quite frankly I don't plan on changing that for the next 80 years. Don't get me wrong. I love kids. I have like 15 nephews and 27 second cousins, but I also have the luxury of saying, "go back to your mother." Either way, I remember my dad taking me out to his social gatherings where he had a few too many Budweisers and look at me. Not one thing is wrong with me. Right?

Photo: Knocked Up Celebs

Gypsy Slipsy: Shakira and Longtime Boyfriend Separate

Shakira and her boyfriend, Antonio De La Rua have apparently separated and did so a long time ago. Either they are really good at hiding their private lives or nobody cares. Shakira wrote on her blog that he and De La Rua separated last August and I think I speak for those who have a functioning pair of eyes when I say that I would like to congratulate her. If you've seen a picture of De La Rua, you'll agree. She also writes in her blog that they mutually agreed to separate, but still remain close friends and loyal business partners. I hate it when people say that. I hate it when break-ups seem so innocent and drama free. Why can't they just admit that they were bored of each other for the past 10 years and want to get on top of someone new? I don't expect people to take as many trips around the block as me, but at the same time I don't understand why people would want to stay with one person for 11 years. The worst part about this story is that an insider says they were just together so long that they found out they were better off as business partners than lovers. How the fuck does that take 11 years to find out? Furthermore, they're not even too sure about that as Shakira continues on her blog post saying the separation is temporary. Are you bored of the guy or not? I'm hoping yes. If not, I've made enough trips to the grocery store for her to double-bag his face in the bedroom.

Photo: You Thought So!

Dirrty Girl: Nude Photos of Christina Aguilera Leak

It always pisses me off when I have to hear about nude celebrity photos because one, it's almost always a female showing off her landing strip and two, when it's a man he has to show off his small, flaccid penis (Brett Favre). Unfortunately this time, it had to be Christina Aguilera. If only her body was as beautiful as her voice. And don't ask me why she has bruises on her right knee, but hopefully I'm hoping its for the same reason I usually end up with bruises on my knees after a productive day at happy hour. Anywho, so Aguilera is claiming that the photos were meant to be seen by her stylist only and a hacker somehow got into her stylist's account and leaked the photos. I totally do the same thing and send some of my nude photos to my stylist, as well. His name is Mr. List. Craig's List. I don't know if the hacker story is true or not, but my guess is the hacker is probably the stylist himself. People are starting to ask questions and have reason to believe that this incident is happening pretty close to her recent divorce and the release of her new movie Burlesque. According to Popeater, the photos were taken around the time she filmed her music video for her single "Not Myself Tonight." I don't know what her plan is with the photos, but if it's to publicize her movie I'm not going to let it work for me. By the way, everyone should go see Burlesque now in theaters.

Photo: Hollywood Life

Dirty Talk: Capri Anderson Speaks About Her Night With Sheen.... Finally...

About 9238429 days after her little date night with Charlie Sheen, Capri Anderson finally tells everybody what exactly happened that night to Us Weekly. Obviously, if Us Weekly is the first one to get this interview there's a pretty good chance that not too many people care. But I digress... Anderson says that at the beginning of the night Sheen wasn't shy about blurting out expletives and racial slurs, which means Charlie has the Mel Gibson syndrome when he drinks. Anderson adds that she realized she was in a bad situation when Sheen began to put his hands around her throat. Well, I'm glad she was smart enough to figure it out. The worst part is that she's a porn star. She acts like she's never had a couple hands and black ding-a-lings around her throat before. She also says, "It's not right to hurt people. It's not right to scare people. It's not right to carry on with such disregard for the people around you." Well, that's what you get for going out with Charlie Sheen.

Photo: NY Daily News

Congratulations, It's A Soulja Boy!: Soulja Boy Denies Impregnating Girl

My source for this blog is BET entertainment blog, which for the record needs to post more blogs because black drama is my favorite. If they could post as many stories as TMZ or as many stupid things to talk about as OK! magazine, it would make my job a lot easier. My blog could use the help. Anywho, I read an article about Soulja Boy and how he's having drama with some girl named Kat Stacks, which by the way is the same name as my friend from LA. My friend from LA is also a hooker. Earlier this year, Ms. Stacks posted a video of Soulja Boy allegedly snorting cocaine and now she's spreading rumors saying she's carrying Soulja Boy's baby. Of course, Soulja Boy is denying that he impregnated Stacks, which isn't surprising because no rapper would admit to impregnating a woman. In an interview with DJ Drama, Soulja Boy mentions how the allegations have given him 4 times the ass he was getting beforehand. Looks like he's going to start doing 4 times the denying.

Photo: DJ Lights Out

Tiki Gets Torched: Tiki Barber Makes Too Many Bad Decisions

Tiki Barber is a former NFL football player and current sexy black man. I was a little turned off to find out that he has a wife who is pregnant with his child. However, I kept my chin up not because I wanted to see the positive but I literally had to keep my chin up so I can keep reading his story. I later found out that he left his knocked-up wife for a lady in her early twenties who was an intern at his job. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Not only did he lose his wife, he also lost his job. He keeps getting hotter and hotter. More recently, he was seen at a charity for kids that hosted a carnival where he would have had the opportunity to bring his kids along. Instead, he chose to bring the intern mistress. I'm not big on romance but I think I just found my soul mate. I love a man who makes mistakes because it's gonna take a real man to make the mistake of getting involved with me.

Photo: Angry Black Lady

Doing Lines: The Jackson 5 To Do A Clothing Line

 The 5 mentally-ill Jackson brothers are planning to launch a line to pay tribute to Michael Jackson's fashion sense and to remember their lives as the Jackson 5. If they're going to make clothes to remember the times when they were the Jackson 5, I'm assuming the t-shirts will be decorated with whip lashes on the back. The name of the clothing line is going to be J5 so obviously these brothers really know how to get creative. I would've liked it to be called "Jesus Juice" and show tiny alcohol stains near the t-shirt collars or "Beat it" and have hand prints on the crotch part of the pants. The T-shirts prices range from $22-$58 and the designs will change every three-and-a-half months, which happens to fall on the same day that Joe Jackson attempts to sue a doctor for money. Either way it's a shame that Michael couldn't have been a part of this clothing line. I'm sure he would have been responsible for making the youth sizes. I'm sure he has a couple samples left in his closet. Uh-oh...

Photo: Baller Wives

Don't Take A Picture, You'll Last Longer: Staring Makes Men Live Longer

According to OMG Facts!, if men stare at a woman's breast long enough, he will live longer. There was a study in Germany where 500 men volunteered to see the effects of men staring at a woman's assets. They asked one half of the men to stare at breasts and the other half not to. "The researchers noted that the men who stared at the breasts of females on a regular basis exhibited lower blood pressure

, slower resting pulse rates and lesser episodes of coronary artery disease." The researchers also concluded that a man staring at a woman's breast for 10 minutes brings the same outcome of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise. Now, it's no big secret that Caesar Teaser is a twinkle-toed-flaming homosexual, but this idea works exactly the same for gay men, as well. It turns out that any sexual excitement results in health benefits overall. According to the researchers, staring for 3 min a day will decrease the likelihood of having a stroke by half and can lengthen an average man's life span up to 4 to 5 years. Also, the researchers recommend staring for 10 min a day to get that half-hour of exercise. No wonder I'm such a lazy bitch. Now while you excuse me, I'm going to go to Google images and search 'LL Cool J.'

Photo: Top Fat Loss Trainer