Overprotection: Child Chews On A Condom At McDonald's

McDonald's is launching an investigation after a little girl went up to her father chewing a used condom after playing in a McDonald's play place. The father was absolutely shocked and immediately washed her mouth out with soap. He said, "I was absolutely disgusted. Other people grabbed their kids and just about jumped the fence." That's a little dramatic. Nobody needs to jump the fence after seeing a magnum. It's a condom; not a resurrection of Michael Jackson. The father then told a junior manager about the incident and was told that it was the second condom found that day. I don't know who is deciding to have sex at a McDonald's. I can't see anyone finding that place romantic unless they're Jessica Simpson or Mariah Carey's fat ass. Either way, now I know why the floors were so sticky when I used to play there.

Photo: Inquisitr

Battle of Sucker Hill: Jonah Hill and Matt Morrison in a Feud

Jonah Hill had an interview on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and declared a feud with Matthew Morrison after telling the story about Morrison laughing at Hill at a party. Hill expressed that he is ready to go down with Morrison and joked, "I'd like to see him sing his way out of this one." More recently, Morrison had an interview on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and accepted Hill's offer saying, "I can sing my way out it, I can dance my way out of it... Be very afraid. No one messes with anyone from musical theater. This just got real." Obviously Morrison hasn't been watching his own show Glee because that show taught me that everyone  messes with everyone in musical theater. However, Hill is pretty stupid, too. How am I supposed to take him seriously after seeing him in a movie where his knee was another girl's tampon? No, thank you.

Photo: Us Magazine

Peek-A-Boob: Nancy Grace Has A Nip Slip On DWTS

On the latest episode of Dancing With the Stars, Nancy Grace was finished doing her number to what I imagine would be the liberty bell or police siren and then a part of her nipple came out just before the judges critiqued her performance. Talk about some cruel and unusual punishment for the audience. Tom Bergeron joked that it would be okay for the European version of Dancing With the Stars and judge Bruno Tolioni made a pun saying the performance was very top heavy. Obviously, everyone was on fire with jokes that night and now I know who to invite when I finally want to get ratings on my stupid radio show. Listen to The C Word KSFS.sfsu.edu every Wednesday at 9am.

Photo: Rickey

Booby Trap: Farmer Mad At Rihanna For Going Topless

Rihanna was in Ireland shooting her music video for the song "We Found Love" and part of the production was her being topless. They asked a farmer if they could use his property to shoot part of the video, but when he saw that she was going topless, he asked everyone to stop the production. He said, "I felt it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did." I don't know what this guy's problem is. I'm not sexually attracted to women, but I would still appreciate a pair of free tits on my property so long as they don't look like flesh-colored bananas. I think it's obvious that this fool didn't know who Rihanna was, but he still wished her good luck and shook her hand. He also said, "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God." Yes, that's just what everyone needs: a greater God. I think there are more Catholic priests who need a greater God more than Rihanna.

Photo: E! Online

Annoying Ass: Kim Kardashian Voted Most Annoying Celebrity

Kim Kardashian has been voted the most annoying celebrity of 2011 according to a poll done by Parade and Yahoo! OMG! I believe that Kim Kardashian is annoying, but I wouldn't believe she was the most annoying if Yahoo! said it. Everyone knows Google knows everything. If you don't know the answer to a question, nobody says Yahoo! it.

Apparently, Parade does an annual pop culture poll and this year Kardashian won most annoying with 29% of the votes. In second place came Charlie Sheen with 27%, Snooki in third with 21%, and the last three were Lindsay Lohan, Donald Trump, and Brad Womack. I'm pretty sure Brad Womack was also recognized in the poll most unknown celebrity. I couldn't even find him on Google.

Photo: The Hurt Locker

Cat Fight: Bristol Calls Her Heckler A Homosexual

Bristol Palin was at the Saddle Ranch Chop House in LA last night when a Sarah Palin came up to her and started screaming at her. She had just gotten off the mechanical bull and the heckler asks her is she rode Levi Johnston that way. The topic of Sarah Palin comes up and the heckler calls her "evil." Bristol asks, "Is it because you're a homosexual? Is that why you hate her?" The heckler affirmed that he was a homosexual and asked, "why'd you ask that I'm a homosexual?" Bristol answered, "Because I know you are."

Obviously, that heckler doesn't know what he's talking about. I don't think Sarah Palin is a whore at all. If she was she would be a lot more fun. Bristol claims that she is not homophobic, but was only defending her mother. If she was really defending her mother, maybe she would have saved sex for marriage like she asked her to.

Photo: Business Insider

No Fun N' Games: The CW To Make A Show About Musical Chairs

I've just heard news from the Huffington post that the CW will be making a show about people going through obstacle courses to collect chairs to the sound of music. The show is cleverly titled Extreme Musical Chairs. I don't know why they decided with musical chairs. Was duck, duck, goose taken already? I've always hated musical chairs. I never won, which usually turned the game into a WWE wrestling match. What they need to do is gather the cast of Jersey Shore, put them all on a spaceship, and get them the fuck off of this Earth. If you tell them the show is called Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus, they'll think they're all being sent to a planet where only the opposite sex will be there. They'd also be able to give STDs to people they haven't given them to already.

Photo: Screen Junkies

Beyon-Say No More: Beyonce Says She's Never Been Happier

I was watching E! News the other day, because I couldn't find the remote control and was too lazy to get up to change the channel, and I saw an interview with Beyonce. I knew it was going to be pretty annoying because she was going to talk about how happy she is to be pregnant. If I was pregnant, I'd just throw in the bib and look for the nearest abortion clinic, but Beyonce says, "I'm probably the happiest I've ever been." It doesn't sound like there's a baby in there. Sounds more like a morphine IV. She went on to say, "It is the most incredible gift anyone can have and I'm so happy I'm a woman. Men, I feel bad, they don't get to experience this. It's incredible." I think I speak for all men when I say that we're fine with the way things are going. I hope she realizes that being pregnant is not going to be like making a music video. It's going to be like taking a huge dump out of your vagina. A huge, crying dump. If I was a girl, the last thing I'd want is a baby because once you have even one, your vagina never stays the same. I don't want that to happen to my vagina. It's my vagina!

Photo: Radio Junkee

Sick and Tyra'd: Tyra Banks Wants Her Book To Be A Movie

In an interview with the Associated Press, Tyra Banks talked about her annoying life and how she met with a producer about making her new book, Modelland, into a movie. That is such a silly title. It sounds more like an amusement park. Hopefully that is the name of an amusement park in the story so models can have a place to throw up outside of the toilet. The book is about an awkward teenager who get the chance to enroll in one of the biggest modeling academies. I've seen something similar to this called America's Next Top Model. Banks also says that the book mirrors a lot of events that happened in her life. "It's inspired by my life and experiences in fashion and modeling," she said. "My successes as well as a lot of pain I had to go through." If they turn her book into a movie, they should make it a cartoon and have Betty Boop be the main character. She's the only one with the same size forehead as Tyra. 

Flash Dance: Man Exposes Himself While Lady Has A Seizure

A woman in Edison, New Jersey was having a seizure and was approached by a man who she thought would help her out. Instead, he decided to expose himself and walk away. The man was described as an African-American around 65-years-old, with gray hair, and no teeth. Sounds to me like either he's homeless or grew up in Kentucky. She was able to call police for help after the man walked away and reported him at the same time. She reported that she had seen him in the area so it would probably be a good idea if she stopped having seizures near that place again.

Photo: Brad Fitzpatrick