Return To Sender: Craig Ferguson Receives A Death Threat

Someone sent Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show on CBS, a death threat letter by putting a white substance in an envelope and sending it to his studio. It turns out that substance wasn't toxic or even dangerous so we can rule out the substance from being anthrax or laundry detergent for Hugh Hefner's crab-infested bath robe. Although the substance wasn't life threatening, there was an attached letter that threatened Ferguson's life. Two people who came into contact with the substance had to be quarantined and police believe the letter came from Europe. If it came from France we can rule out deodorant since nobody in that country uses it.

Another incident happened at the Dancing With The Stars studio last November. Though police never made a connection, a source claims a death threat was made for Bristol Palin while she was on the CBS reality competition. It turned out someone sent talcum powder in an attempt to make it look like anthrax. I wouldn't be surprised if CBS was sending the wrong substances to the wrong departments when they actually meant to send cocaine to Charlie Sheen.

Photo: The SOP

Drags, Not Drugs; Amy Winehouse Didn't Die From Narcotics

Amy Winehouse's toxicology report shows that she did not have any illegal drugs in her system at the time of death. However, she did have alcohol in her system, which is no surprise since we all saw her performances in Sudan and Dubai. I love Amy Winehouse's album and I could listen to it all day. The only thing better than listening to Amy Winehouse's music on iTunes is listening to it live while she's blacked out, but I digress. Those doing the report have not determined whether alcohol caused Winehouse's death, but some are theorizing that she died from quitting alcohol cold turkey. I may not be smarter than a 5th grader, but if she quit cold turkey, then why the fuck did she have alcohol in her system. I'm not going to lie. I assumed, like the majority of everyone else who heard the news, that Winehouse died from a drug overdose. Now that I've been proven wrong, I think we should all agree that she died from smoking a carton of Camels each day. I'll be damned if that didn't play a role in her death. Can you imagine she died of something that no one would ever expect, like overeating or being sober? That would make my day.

Photo: Smoking Sides

Urine Trouble: Actor Pees On The Aisle Of A Plane.

Last night, Gerard Depardieu peed on the aisle of a plane because he couldn't wait to go to the bathroom. The plane was getting ready for take-off so he couldn't leave his seat until the pilot said the coast is clear. Instead of disobeying requests, Depardieu did the next best thing and peed in the middle of the aisle in front of surrounding passengers. Talk about thinking outside of the box. I'm not a huge fan of piss unless I'm at a slumber party and I'm putting one of my friend's hands in a bowl of warm water. Not only is this gross, but it only proves my point how French people are the most annoying people to sit next to on a plane. After kids. On my flight from LAX to Fiji, I sat next to a French lady who got mad at me because I accidentally kicked her foot. Maybe she was having a bad day or maybe she just didn't like the smell of my feet when I took off my shoes. In my defense, I was trying to make the plane smell better since the French don't wear deodorant. Either way, while she was sleeping, I decided to leave a little gift on my way to the bathroom by farting in her face.

Photo: Mix 96 KMYX