Drunk and Misorderly: Baby Gets Drunk At Applebees

An American restaurant named Applebee's in Detroit, Michigan had a waiter serve the wrong drink to a male toddler after the mother ordered him an apple juice. The best part is that the waiter came back with a Margarita. I can understand if you mix up a vodka-apple juice for an apple juice, but there is no excuse for bringing a kid a stemmed glass of Margarita instead of a cardboard pack of Juicy Juice with a bendy straw. However, it's safe to say that I finally found a reason why I regret not being raised in Detroit. The mother knew something was wrong when the baby boy fell asleep after resting his head on the table and suddenly woke up in a very happy mood. Lucky for the mother, the boy isn't going to grow up to be an emotional drunk. I can totally see the baby boy crying over his diaper size being too big or telling his mother that she doesn't love him enough when she doesn't give him any toys. Apparently, the boy was also waving at a number of strangers so he might be one of those annoying, too-happy drunks. The only thing I want to know is what happened the next day and had a hangover or woke up with his head in his potty training toilet. Let's just hope he had a designated driver for his Tonka truck.

Photo: Fugly

Mamma Mia!: Man Dies After Falling Into Past Machine

A 26-year-old man died at a restaurant called Pasta Quistini after falling into some sort of pasta machine. I don't know what happened to putting pasta in a pot and cooking it in an oven, but I guess that's why I don't own an Italian restaurant. Either way, the victim had his shirt caught in the machine causing him to fall in head first. This sounds like every cannibal's dream come true. You can read more on the story here. It would be a good idea if you did because it sounds like another story about a man dying from falling into a tortilla machine. It's stories like these that give me more reason not to work with food. I've had two jobs and both times I quit because new opportunities arose. Opportunities to get drunk and finally get my ass fired. Anywho, I hope the victim didn't fall into the same pasta machine as the one pictured above. If so, he definitely lived a longer life than most people expected.

Photo: Vieco Kitchen

Look A Little Bieber: Dani Shay Looks Like Justin Bieber

As if Bieber fever hasn't been spreading rapidly enough, Justin Bieber fans have another thing to get all hot and bothered about: Dani Shay. They have the same hair, same voice, and they both like girls. However, the 22-year-old singer/songwriter is an American from Orlando, Florida and wants to make a name for herself so she isn't always being compared to Justin Bieber. Since Bieber is a Canadian, I think Shay being American is difference enough. She claims that people came up to her and constantly confused her for Bieber or told her that she looked a lot like the pop sensation. Among those people were teenage girls. I don't know if she exactly sounds like a lot of fun because if I were her, being a lesbian, I'd take advantage of all the ass I could get. Now that Shay knows who Justin Bieber is, she has a fantasy of meeting him on The Ellen Degeneres Show. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't a fan of Justin Bieber, but I was a little annoyed to find out that they were capitalizing his image with Bieber dolls and nail polish. I don't know how much your life has to suck to the point where you're putting on Justin Bieber nail polish. However, I'd be pretty excited to see the products that come from Shay's popularity if most of her fans are adult lesbians, like herself. Lesbians can wear Shay bokers that say 'Got No Shaym' and show it off every time they wear their baggy pants. Or maybe they can make flannel shirts that say "Shay is the Way!" Maybe Samantha Ronson will change her occupation to a D-Shay.

Photo: OK Magazine

Gum Shot: Suri Cruise Wants Penis Gummies

There has been quite an uproar about a rumor spreading that Katie Holmes went to an ice cream store called Serendipity and bought daughter, Suri Cruise, a pack of penis gummies. Holmes went on the Ellen Degeneres show to clear the rumors and tell everyone what actually happened. Holmes said Suri ran up to her and asked if she could get a pack. Holmes was shocked discover that the store was selling the product since she believes the business is run for children. I don't know whether Serendipity is trying to target kids, but I can tell you it's definitely targeting gay men. If running into a pack of penises isn't Serendipity, then I don't know what is. Either way, I feel like everyone needs to calm down. I don't know if Suri likes the same things as I do or if she likes the same things as Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, but sooner or later this little girl is going to blossom into a woman. She may just be a curious little kitty cat and run into a penis on the internet or she may just be a little sex kitten and trip and fall onto a penis. I think with her situation she needs to learn what a penis since neither Katie Holmes or Tom Cruise has one.

Photo: Mama Pop