Heidi N Seek: Heidi Hasn't Responded to the Release of Her Sex Tape

Unfortunately, I have to talk more shit about stupid Spencer and Heidi. Just when you thought it was over, something new comes up. Why can't they be like Paris Hilton and just go away? According to TMZ, it all started when Spencer claimed he has footage of the two doing the dirty deed. Gross. Then he started trying to look for a deal and went to Steve Hirsch who is associated with Vivid Enertainment, the company that also released the sex tapes of Kim Kardashian and Montana Fishburne. I'm guessing it's probably the only porn movie production studio. Heidi and Spencer met up at a hotel in Costa Rica where Heidi thought Spencer was going to give her the two dogs they share when he actually wanted to give Heidi an ultimatum: do another reality show or have the sex tape released. Talk about drama... I don't know why they had to meet in Costa Rica for that when they both live in the same area. It's not like the paparazzi are all over them. Either way, Spencer says he'll release the tape if she doesn't agree and he also says "I'm a wild sexual freak and I love sex." I wonder what his right hand has to say about that. Now, his asking price for the tape with Vivid is 5 million big ones. Hirsch says it's a reasonable price, but that's probably because he hasn't seen the tape yet. Now he's going around telling the media how he's always wanted to be a porn star and he wants his sex tape to make more than Kim Kardashian's, which seems to be sort of an inspiration. Sounds a lot like my friend Montana. I don't know why everyone wants to be like Kim Kardashian. No one is ever going to be like her. She is naturally beautiful with an elephant for an ass. We already know Heidi got a new everything and Spencer just looks like a starving Wolverine. As for Montana Fishburne, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut because I heard she was in jail for beating the shit out of another woman.  Let's have lunch, girl!

Photo: Smosh

Headed for the Hills: Heidi Leaves Spencer

Heidi Montag's Publicist spoke out to the tabloids not too long ago and confirmed that "it's a separation for now, not a divorce." This very intelligent publicist also said Heidi is "trying to lay low right now" and "hopes people respect her privacy." Obviously, the publicist isn't exactly practicing what it's preaching. Way to respect her privacy. At the same time, if she was really trying to lay low, then maybe she wouldn't have posted on her Twitter account "PS: I am not Heidi Pratt, I am Heidi Montag." If I can offer any advice to Heidi to maintain her privacy, it would be to avoid posting your business on the internet. Thank me later, Heidi.

Heidi is moving in with her best friend, Jennifer Bunney in Malibu where they are going to shoot a new reality TV show. Jennifer tells Radaronline.com “We’re really excited to do girly things and show people who we really are and that we’re really fun, sweet and loyal girls.” I don't speak dumb blond, but I'm guessing it means the show is going to be about a couple of retards going to the beach and having brunch every day. I've never seen The Hills, but every time I see a preview on Mtv, it's either people at the beach or arguing at a restaurant patio. I'd love to actually watch the show, but I think I'm going to be busy for around the next two years.

Heidi also wants to work on her entertainment career. Her publicist says "Heidi is looking to move out due to all the fake bad press that Spencer controls.  She's tired of it and is looking for a place and wants to focus on her acting career." I don't exactly know if Heidi can blame her bad rep for acting on Spencer, but I do know that she cannot blame him for her failure as a singer.

A Raging Prattfall: Spencer Pratt Has Anger Problems

Us Weekly has an article about Spencer Pratt and how he's basically gone crazy. What else is new? If you've seen that show on VH1 called "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!" then it's no big secret that Mr. Pratt has the patience of a kindergartner... or Gary Coleman... who is also the size of a kindergartner. Spencer's former best friend, Brody Jenner says, "I actually think he's kind of lost it a little bit." First of all, nobody loses their mind only a little bit. That's called being weird. Second, it doesn't really take an interview from an old friend to realize that Spencer's crazy. He spent $400,000 on crystals. I have a feeling he might have mistaken them for crystal meth.

Heidi Montag: She's Going to Explode.

Ever since Heidi Montag underwent her 10 plastic surgery in one day, I haven't heard of one positive thing that's come up from it. If you watch The Hills, which probably has an audience the size of the cast, we all saw Heidi's mother express her disapproval of the procedure. Most of us who graduated high school know the show is probably as fake as Heidi. Aside from that, she also admitted in her interview with On the Air with Ryan Seacrest that she's "very weird about hugging people." I have a feeling people might be weird about hugging her. She also says now that her breasts are bigger, she doesn't go jogging anymore. I think that might be code for "why go jogging when I can get a tummy tuck?" After about 6 months of having gone through the $30,000 procedure, Montag is now admitting to Star that it could have been one of the worst decisions in her life. I want to reassure that it's only the second worst. Trying to become a singer is definitely her first.

In spite of her regret, Life & Style says she's ready to risk her life for more surgery. I don't think she knows that there isn't a surgery that can make your problems go away. Heidi's husband Spencer Pratt says she wants to enlarge her boobs even more. For some reason I feel like that is Spencer's idea. She allegedly wants to record the 2nd procedure and pitch it to a channel, like E! or Oxygen, says an insider. I wouldn't be surprised if the insider is Audrina Patridge.