Mini Me: Elizabeth Edwards Relates to Sandra Bullock

Elizabeth Edwards tells Star how she can sympathize with Sandra Bullock when it comes to people focusing more on her divorce and less on her talent. If anyone knows who Elizabeth Edwards is please enlighten me. I'd Google her, but I'm so busy plucking pubic hairs off of bums on the street. Like Bullock, Edwards went through a nasty divorce with ex-husband John Edwards, who cheated on her. She says there are still many things that she likes about her ex-husband. I doubt Sandra can say the same. She also says that she doesn't know Bullock at all. The more I read the article, the less I think Edwards is like Bullock. Edwards concludes the interview and says like herself, Bullock wants to reclaim who she is. I don't think Elizabeth knows that in order to reclaim yourself, you have to claim yourself first.

Photo: Star Magazine

Booby Trap: Jesse James Wanted to Get Caught Cheating.

According to People, Jesse James says he wanted to get caught cheating because he knew it was what he deserved. I'm actually starting to see eye-to-eye with him. He admits to feeling horrible about cheating on Sandra Bullock. This is where we disagree. Granted, he should feel horrible. If he really wanted to sleep with someone with drawings on their face, I would have suggested going to a party where you can probably find a drunk college girl with penis sketches on her forehead. He also would have met someone who graduated high school, as well.

When asked why he cheated on Sandra, James says "It's hard for me to talk about, a little bit, because I still really love her and care about her." I don't speak douche bag, but I'm assuming that means "I can't find an excuse right now." I'm also assuming "her" refers to Sandra because I know douche bags have a tendency to mix up his mistress' names. On a sidenote, if someone calls themselves a "bombshell," there's a pretty good chance that you're fugly.

One source says James is thinking about moving to Austin, Texas to spend more time. Whatever that means. Hey Jesse, I know of a better place: Mars.