Lowe Blow: Rob Lowe Talks About Charlie Sheen

In the newest issue of Vanity Fair, Rob Lowe talks about his childhood and work life with Charlie Sheen. He also promotes his new book Stories I Only Tell My Friends: an Autobiography, which sucks for all of the people who told him some of their deepest secrets. He says that him and Sheen used to compete on who did a better job at work and apparently Charlie always won "by a nose." I'm assuming that's because Sheen used his nose more than Lowe did. He goes on to say that Sheen's home was much better than that of his modest parents. In it, Lowe says, was "never-ending Häagen-Dazs, brand-new BMWs, a lagoon pool with underwater tunnels, and a lit, professional-grade basketball half-court.” I'm sure times have changed as Sheen's current home is filled with never-ending drug cocktails, brand-new porn stars, a murky pool with underwater STDs, and a lit pipe full of crystal meth.

Photo: Huffington Post

Money Shot: Usher's Sex Tape Gets Released

Usher has just become one of the million celebrities who has a sex tape. I don't understand why celebrities keep making sex tapes. We all know why people who aren't famous are making sex tapes. We know you're having sex. Paris Hilton, we know you're a slut. Kim Kardashian, we know you're having sex with black men. Montana Fishburne, we know you're never going to be famous. I don't exactly know why Usher would make a sex tape. However, TMZ alleges they have seen the tape and agree that it is Usher with his ex-wife, Tameka Foster. With a name like Tameka, Usher must have a great time in bed. I decided to research her to see how hot she is and I was very disappointed. This is the best photo I could find:

I don't know why Tameka is so unattractive, but it's a good thing she's an ex-wife now. I expected this from a rapper, but not Usher. Google Ja Rule's wife. Anywho, TMZ believes the sex tape may have gotten stolen along with the items that were stolen when Usher's car was broken into. If I made a sex tape, I'm pretty sure I would keep it somewhere safe like under my bed or in my secret hidden camera that records men taking showers in the boys' locker room. The only reason the tape should be in a car is if the sex scene took place in the car. That's what you get, Usher. Moral of the story: always record your sexual acts on your phone.